Step 1: Learn French

I'm ready to embark on a new venture called living. I'm ready to live! And when I say live, I don't mean just breathing, sleeping, waking, brushing my teeth, going to the office, the tedium of quotidian life but something more and beyond that, something transcendental... I'm ready to learn French and use flash cards and butcher a beautiful language until I get thrown out of French restaurants where everyone speaks English. I'm ready to unabashedly embrace my insecurities in a loving manner and tell my insecure self, "It's okay to be me." So my first step of breaking free of this prison cell (metaphorically, I'm not actually writing from jail but in my office which feels like jail) of negativity is to learn French and then only then can I turn my attention towards other aspects of my life which dissatisfy me and turn that frown upside down.

So I've created this list for myself, a beautiful, bold list of all the things I'd like to accomplish before I reach forty (which is less then three years away.)

Step 1: Learn to Speak French Fluently (or at least pretend to)
Step 2: Write a Novel that wins a Pulitzer Prize (or at least pretend to)
Step 3: Get on the New Yorker's 20 Under 40 List - (can't they change the list to 21 and squeeze me in there?) I admit this might be rather ambitious of me but not as ambitious as:
Step 4: Win the Nobel Peace Prize - just for being me
Step 5: Become Best Friends with Al Gore (because I recycle!)
Step 6: Meet Stephen Colbert
Step 7: Become a Super Organized, Tidy Person - the irritating kind of person who can find an adorable use for an empty matchbox. The kind of person Martha Stewart would be proud of.
Step 8: Learn how to Cook
Step 9: Become a Staff Writer for 30 Rock (Step 4 followed by Step 5 might help get me on the show)
Step 10: Conquer the World!

Be All that You Can Be! That's my new motto. That's America's motto.